Age, Music, and Self-Discovery at 48: Reflections of a Mature Musician
As a mature musician in his late 40s, my journey has taken a fascinating turn. At 48, writing and recording songs has fully ripened in my life, becoming a consistent and integral part of my existence. This process of mythologizing and ritualizing my life through music is a primordial human impulse that resonates deeply within me.
Exploring Music as a Form of Self-Expression
The melodies, tones, mantras, chords, and riffs seem to swim up into my present awareness automatically. When I pick up a guitar, playing starts happening, and when I open my mouth, words and phrases follow. Today, I found myself penning down these profound lines:
“Thoughts without a finger” and “Selfing like hell”
These lines have a weight and depth to them as they seem to encapsulate the unconscious workings of my mind. There is no 'do-er' only the entire Galaxy manifesting its creativity into 'my' fingers, the guitar, and the vocal cords. It's a wild and transformative process, and I believe many musicians who have reached a similar vantage point might share their similar experiences.
A Career's Uphill Journey
My career has been inconsistent, much like my personal life. I attained tenure as a university professor but abandoned it shortly after to become a Stay-At-Home Parent. At 22, I envisioned myself being in a vibrant job environment by age 45, but college teaching burned me out. By age 43, I took on the dual responsibility of being a dad while also caregiving for my two young children, aged 2.5 and 5. Despite the profound exhaustion and psychological toll, I persevered and am still here today.
Physical Well-being and Emotional Resilience
Physically, my body is undoubtedly changing. High blood pressure scares and maintaining a healthy diet are now more important than ever. Yet, amidst these challenges, my connection to my town and the memories that weave through its streets and avenues remain robust. Singing in one of my songs, Tallahassee, brings to life the nostalgic and interconnectedness:
“It’s hard to drive around these streets without running into a few memories. My old high school friends and me used to hang around this town like moss on trees…”
At 48, life and its many facets are one. My town and my brain are conjoined, merging past experiences and present reality.