What Attracted Your Narcissist to You?

Are you curious about why your narcissist chose you as their target? Understanding the psychological and behavioral dynamics can provide profound insights. Let's explore the factors that contribute to a narcissist's attraction and how empathy can play a critical role in such relationships.

Understanding Narcissists: What They Are Attracted To

Narcissists, often characterised by their grandiose self-regard, lack of empathy, and need for admiration, typically seek partners with certain qualities that align with their psychological makeup. Confidence, attractiveness, success, and high self-esteem are crucial traits that can attract a narcissist.

However, it's not just about these superficial traits. Narcissists are also drawn to individuals who are willing to provide the attention, admiration, and validation that they crave. This can create a cycle of emotional dependence and manipulation.

Your Story: A Case of Empathy and Voluntary Compliance

My case is a stark example of how empathy can be misused by individuals with narcissistic traits. Despite being the youngest in a family that is tyrannical, I was often subjected to criticism and devaluation throughout my life. This has instilled in me a deep sense of self-awareness and resilience, which I find intriguing when looking back at my interactions with a possible narcissist.

Despite not having direct experience with a narcissist, there is a strong possibility that one might have targeted me due to perceived gullibility and weaknesses in standing up for myself. This could be seen as a magnet to someone who feels the need to exert control over others.

Building a Facade and the Initial Attraction

The woman in question, who displayed traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), built a facade that kept the reality hidden for several weeks. There was no 'chase' or 'game' involved; it felt positive and stable, albeit too good to be true.

She managed this by relying on blame and delusion to maintain her image. Her past histories, filled with abuse and manipulation, were deliberately concealed to avoid scrutiny. This clean slate approach allowed her to maintain her facade for a longer period, even though she eventually had to drop it due to energy constraints.

Empathy and Compliance: A Dangerous Duo

Empathy, ironically, played a crucial role in my interactions. It allowed me to connect with someone who had been through similar cycles of manipulation and abuse, leading to a mutual form of attraction. However, my voluntary compliance with her behavior, driven by hope for a positive outcome, ultimately led to a deep entanglement.

I was not the first or the last person to fall into this trap. Women in their early 40s often present themselves as ideal partners, hiding their past ruins until it's too late. I was fortunate to have another individual reveal her hidden history, providing a clearer picture of her true nature.

Conclusion

Understanding the dynamics between a narcissist and their target is essential for navigating such relationships. While superficial attractions can initiate the process, deeper psychological factors like empathy and voluntary compliance can lead to prolonged and harmful interactions.

If you're curious about the behind-the-scenes attraction of a narcissist and how it plays out, I'd recommend the following resources: