The Unseen Impact of Overt and Covert Criticism on Childhood Development
Parenting is a complex and multifaceted journey, filled with joy, challenges, and moments that can be both treasured and regretted. As a child, one of the most memorable conversations I had was during a walk with my aunt X, whose harsh words struck a deep chord within me.
On a sunny day, aunt X had gifted my siblings and me with some delightful toys. However, the gift I received did not meet my expectations, as the color was not exactly what I desired. In a fit of frustration, I cried and insisted on a different toy. When I requested another, aunt X tried to shush me and told me to sit quietly. But instead of keeping silent, I heard her speak about me in a manner that hurt me deeply.
Aunt X's Harsh Words
Aunt X was having a conversation with a friend, in which she branded me as a stubborn child who constantly craved others' toys and fought with siblings. Adding to my despair, she went on to say, 'I don’t understand how her mom raised her,' and stated that she could not bear to keep me for even a day.
“X: This girl No never! Let her go back as soon as possible! I can’t take this child anymore.”
This conversation, though brief, left an indelible mark on my young mind. It was the first time I heard a trusted relative speaking so negatively about me. It made me realize that even adults I admired could be quick to judge, and it took me a long time to recover from the impact of these words.
The Realization of Independence
This experience from my childhood made me realize the importance of independence and self-reliance. When I was about ten years old, my mother, preoccupied with preparing breakfast, told me to comb my hair in place of her. I was running late for school, and I pleaded with her to make time for me. However, my mother was too busy packing my lunch.
In a small gesture, my grandfather intervened and offered to comb my hair. Instead of assisting me, my mother reminded my father that he should not be there to help me all the time. Despite his playful teasing, my father reiterated his duties, and my mother insisted on my growing independence.
"Mummy to my father: Don't help her each time. I want her to be self-dependent. Let her get ready by herself."
Reflecting on this conversation now, I understand the importance of my parents teaching me to be independent. They built me up for success by encouraging self-reliance and problem-solving skills. The journey of becoming self-sufficient did not come overnight, but over the years, my parents played a pivotal role in shaping my character and resilience.
The Indelible Mark on Childhood
Throughout my life, I often recall this conversation, not only when combing my hair or getting ready for school but also in other aspects of my life. The impact of parental criticism, whether overt or covert, can be profound. It can influence our self-esteem, social interactions, and future behavioral patterns. For this reason, it is crucial for parents and caregivers to be mindful of their words and actions.
From allowing me to work far from home to managing my own life, my parents have given me the tools to succeed. They have poured their love and sacrifices into me, and while it might seem impossible to repay them, a simple gesture of respect and acknowledgment can go a long way.
Say a heartfelt 'I love you' to your parents. They deserve nothing less for the love they have showered upon you.
Remember, parents are our first teachers. Their impact on us is lifelong and immeasurable. Cherish these moments and strive to build a life that honors their sacrifices.