Why Adopted Children May Resist Meeting Their Biological Parents

Understanding the dynamics and challenges faced by adopted children when considering a reunion with their biological parents is crucial for creating a supportive and secure environment. An adopted child's background and experiences significantly impact their willingness and comfort in meeting their biological parents. Reasons for resistance can range from positive to negative, depending on the circumstances surrounding the adoption and the current status of the biological parents.

Reasons for Rejection

For many adopted children, the decision to resist a reunion with their biological parents stems from their awareness and understanding of the reasons behind their adoption. Often, children who were placed for adoption due to abuse, neglect, or other factors resulting in a less-than-positive upbringing, naturally carry feelings of distrust and fear towards their biological parents. In these cases, a biological parent might be perceived as a source of harm rather than a potential benefactor.

For instance, when both the biological father (MAP, Mental Illness Pattern) and mother (sick in the head) present significant challenges, the child's fear and aversion to these parents are understandable. Experiencing or witnessing abuse, neglect, or erratic behavior can leave lasting psychological scars, making the child hesitant or entirely resistant to reconnect.

Impact of Adoption

Adopted children who thrive in their new family environment often do not harbor the same negative feelings or fears that may exist for others. Their adoptive parents typically offer a stable, loving, and nurturing environment that sets them on a path of positive development. These children may be very happy with their current family and view their biological parents as distant or irrelevant to their identity and well-being.

This was the case for the individual who described their biological father as a MAP in prison and their biological mother as being in a mental institution. The adoptive parents, acting as the primary caretakers, successfully shielded the child from dealing with these circumstances until it became clear that the biological parents were indeed a source of danger.

Common Obstacles

Parents and well-meaning individuals might suggest that reuniting adopted children with their biological parents is a positive step. However, such suggestions often overlook the potential risks and considerations. The well-being of the child must always be the top priority. Thoughts about reuniting children with biological parents based on idealized notions of family can overlook the reality of complex family dynamics and the trauma that some biological parents might have inflicted.

Parents or agencies looking to promote such reunions must carefully assess the situation and be prepared to address any potential issues or dangers. For example, involving law enforcement to prevent contact with potentially dangerous individuals, such as a MAP (Mental Illness Pattern) who has a record of violent behavior, is a prudent measure to ensure the child's safety.

Conclusion

For many adopted children, the thought of meeting their biological parents brings up a range of emotions and fears, from deep-seated mistrust to a desire to avoid further trauma. The decision to reconnect or not is deeply personal and rooted in each child's unique experiences and feelings. Concerned individuals, whether family members or well-intentioned others, should prioritize the safety and well-being of the child, carefully considering the potential risks before advocating for any reunions. The key is understanding that each child's experience is distinct and must be handled with care and sensitivity.